Toucan & To Hold: The thoughts behind the beginning.

I know. No. I hope there are other brides (and grooms!) out there like me. I'll get to what I mean by that in probably too many words. 

There are brides and grooms that have dreamt about their wedding day since at least...well, forever. Then, there are those that have looked forward to their turn while bridesmaid-ing a handful of times, and then there are some who have an almost-aversion to the wedding planning process, but will end up throwing a big Bridal bash for the sake of loved ones anyways.

I confess (with only a little bit of shame) that I fall into the first of these categories. I am one of those hopeless daydreamers who has planned my wedding (in my head and on Pinterest of course) roughly 20 times over. I would often stare at my left ring finger projecting the perfect ring with my eyeballs like a rom com on a silver screen. At one point, said daydreamt plan included my elephant-back walk down the aisle to the serenade of a full symphony orchestra. I was born blessed and cursed with a histrionic and colorful imagination.

I've grown a lot since that particular plan. Specifically, I became a therapist, and with this new role and my education in it, my values shifted. As I began to explore my own privilege and settle into my authenticity, I started to shed [some] of my materialism. More honestly, I found grounded footing in my other wholehearted desires such as protecting our planet and advocating for those who have less power than I. 

Then. After three years of a counseling graduate program (aka a grueling masters in becoming a better person) and three years of therapist-ing, it finally happened. I got engaged. And the proposal was the closest thing to perfection (besides my dog) that I have ever beheld. But that may be a story for another day. Because the point is: what happened immediately after getting engaged is what took me by surprise.

I could finally plan my [real] wedding except for doing so would mean spending over maybe 30 thousand dollars on a single day (the national average is about 34k!) because the wedding industry had become just that: and industry. And the dream that was finally mine, started to crack and crumble. Did I even want to have a big magical wedding anymore? Was it even worth it? Would it honor what was truly important? Would I regret spending that much money on this and that for a big production mostly all about myself...and not really even know where those dollars ended up? Where are the lines of hedonism and hypocrisy in wedding planning for me? (mind you those lines will exist in different places for different betrothed).

But the thought of never living out those visions and those moments with my partner and our loved ones hurt in my heart spot. It turns out, it's not something I'm willing to give up. I want my big day cake and I want to eat it too. Because, in my experience as a therapist and also a human, I've learned deeply that a wedding is about SO much more than a cultural norm or some flattering photos with pretty flowers. The intricacy of relationships, emotional processes, and developmental milestones facilitated by a single wedding is astounding when one steps back to appreciate the real deal at hand. Turns out, in my opinion, big pretty weddings are darned important. Perhaps that's why they've been a part of so many cultures for so long. 

Is there a way to have a responsible and impactful wedding? To eat that cake while making the world a better place? To curate each aspect of the event in order to honor the relationships at the center and the greatest values of the couple? To pay it forward and to engage guests in both learning and feeling in the process? This is what I plan to explore here over the months of my engagement and onward. 

So this site is not just for the obnoxious diamond-designing daydreamer brides like myself, it's for all of us mindful and modern wedding planners who would like for "big days" of all sizes to pack a punch in meaning. To make each of those decisions (from colors to caterers to candles) count in a way that shifts industries back towards the things in life that we each find most important at the end of the honeymoon. It's for the couples that want to invest in the foundation of their marriages, not just their wedding day. Let's do this. 

You are cordially invited to share in this journey with me of planning my carefully-curated, responsible, hopefully conscientious, intentional, and undoubtedly memorable wedding. 

-SG